Sick of the toolbox

I want to tell you about something I’ve been feeling, but I think it would be better explained as a film. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to make films, so I’m going to write the screenplay, and you can make the film in your head.

The opening scene. A woman is filling a cardboard box with objects. The box is labeled “tools”. Shot from above, we see her placing books, pill bottles, tea bags, candles, and a ball of yarn into the box. Lastly, she places a small recorder in the box. She presses play on the device. We are still watching from above. The device rests atop the ball of yarn, and teacup (this was already in the box), and we begin to hear a recording. The voice is saying something like “when you start to feel anxious, ask yourself, are these things you’re telling yourself true?” or “sometimes, just taking a moment to breathe, and remember what you’re grateful for, can be enough to pull you back from a panic attack”. We see the woman close the box. End of scene. 

In the next scene, the woman is shown walking through her house, holding the box under her arm. She is talking to someone and holding the box in between them. She closes her eyes and presses her ear to the box. 

Next, we see the woman, pacing a room, on the phone. The box is sitting on the floor, and she kicks it lightly.

Next, we see the woman reading, with the box on the couch next to her. She pours herself some tea. She pours some into the box, without taking her eyes off her book. 

In the next scene, the woman working at her computer, the box sitting in the chair next to her. She is visibly frustrated. She looks at the box, as if to ask it, “what now?”

In the next scene, and this is currently my favorite scene, we watch the woman, box under her arm, walk out her front door. We see her throw the box wildly into her car and drive away. 

In the next scene, we see her marching up a hill. She still has the box under her arm. She gets to an overlook. She starts taking things out of the box and smashing them on the ground. We don’t hear any sound. Or maybe we hear a nice song, but you can tell she is screaming. Maybe at the things in the box, or maybe just the box in general. She takes the box and throws it over the edge. 

There is a close-up shot of her face. It’s hard to tell if she’s angry at herself for throwing it over the edge or relieved or both. 

In the next scene, we again see the woman. She has an empty box, similar to the old one.  She’s taping up tears in the cardboard. When she’s finished, she turns to her cupboards, and from the look on her face, we can tell she is trying to decide which door to open first. Trying to determine how to fill the box this time around. 

Anyone else get frustrated with this continual process of caring for a human mind? Even with the best tools, I feel defeated sometimes. Does anyone have a camera? I think this would be fun to make, mostly because I want to chuck a box over the edge of something. 

Photo of woman in this film, taken by woman’s friend, using a different kind of film, pronounced “felm” as in “I only shoot with felm”.


One thought on “Sick of the toolbox

  1. Keep on keepin’ on. Chuck yer tools in yer trunk so you always have them on yer journey. Ya never know what’s gonna need fixin’.


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