I was an island on fire once.

Why the slow dreamy image of an island keeps returning, I can’t say. It’s the picture that forms when I close my eyes, clumsy attempts at meditation or at least a softer gaze inward. I have felt like an inhabitant of an island for years, or more accurately, the island itself. It was on fire … Continue reading I was an island on fire once. →

Spirits doing human things, without masks.

I'm in a pretty steady up and down pattern right now. Two weeks on, up, positive, and clear. Two weeks wrestling anxiety like two feral cats fighting over a cardboard box. That box is also my head. It's tricky. I mean, I'm in the good two weeks right now, so I use words like tricky. … Continue reading Spirits doing human things, without masks. →

Take care of you.

My best friend's mom left this comment on a picture I posted years ago. It was a picture of my face, with a giant scrape on my nose. I had fallen on my face. "Take care of you", she said. It took a bit, but I'm trying harder than ever to do that. You too? … Continue reading Take care of you. →

Not a chill girl.

I am retiring “laid back” from my list of “ways I want to be”. “At peace” is a way I want to be. But “laid back” is way too close to “chill” which is just another bullshit way of saying “lower your standards”. I'm too sober and alive for that shit. This desirable state of … Continue reading Not a chill girl. →

Before and happily ever after

Oh hi, here's me! There's this non-profit I like, Big Vision NYC, and they're doing great stuff in the substance abuse space. They asked me to share a bit of my own story, and a "before and after picture", for their social media pages. My first thought was "Aw, shucks, y'all!" and my next thought … Continue reading Before and happily ever after →

NA craft beer: Is it the devil or nah?

When I quit drinking about a year and half ago, I tried drinking NA beers a couple of times and they just made me sad. I did not understand why anyone would drink these, unless they wanted to advertise their drinking problem in social situations. It got me through a few uncomfortable parties, where I … Continue reading NA craft beer: Is it the devil or nah? →

You’re not alone in the dark. It’s just dark. Keep going.

It’s been a little over a year since I quit drinking. 3 years since I took a huge leap and left the life I planning with someone else, and went in a completely different direction. Sometimes I look around and realized how far I’ve gone, and how much good stuff I have here, on the … Continue reading You’re not alone in the dark. It’s just dark. Keep going. →

Traveling sober: Nashville

I went to Nashville and all I got was a gaudy, blingy half marathon metal and alone time with my boyfriend! OH WAIT. I like that stuff. The things I didn’t get: in a fight on the street with my boyfriend, a hangover, or PADS, an abbreviation my friends and I had for a made-up … Continue reading Traveling sober: Nashville →

4 things I learned in 2 months with 5 new roommates.

What is being grounded, what is home, what is being here, what is enough, what am I letting in, what am I shutting out. The last 2 months have been full of things that require my whole self. The big one was moving in with my boyfriend and his 4 kids. Going from being in … Continue reading 4 things I learned in 2 months with 5 new roommates. →

Heavy

Those things we can’t let go of; those physical things that carry emotional weight are the most annoying things to lug around, in my opinion. Maybe it’s a photo, maybe it’s drinking, maybe it’s an obsession, and maybe it’s a failure. Mine is a pile of bent wood. Nine years ago or so, I won … Continue reading Heavy →